Warning: Text heavy & personal post ahead
You probably don’t know this, but I took a blogging break this past July. I think I wrote a total of two posts, which is very unusual for me as I love writing. I debated on writing this post because it is more personal. However, I decided that this is MY blog, and I haven’t sat down and written fully for awhile even though I love doing so.
Since I have tons of backup posts, you probably didn’t realize much as I just kept pushing those out! I tend to publish more beauty posts than food posts now, but mostly my drafts were food posts, which is why there was an influx of those. Am I the only one that saves drafts in case I go radio silent?
Anyway, the major reason why I rarely blogged was that in the third week of June-ish, my grandma got admitted into the hospital. She had been in the ER a couple times this year already, with the cause always being a really bad cough to the point where she couldn’t breathe. Normally, she would go back home after a couple days of observation. This time, she ended up being in the hospital for almost a month. Her health progressed worse every day, and we all became increasingly concerned for her. She was already in the hospital for two weeks before we found out she had a tumour in her lungs that was causing the coughing and breathing difficulties. We were told that the tumour was small, and could be treated with radiation. So, my grandma started doing radiation. At this point, all of us visited her whenever we could. After school, I would make my way to the hospital and someone would always be there with her. All of my spare time was spent with my grandma, but I did not mind a single bit because I love her and don’t want her to feel lonely in the hospital.
Suddenly, things went downhill for us. We were told that she had a 12-14 cm tumour behind her lungs, which is a pretty huge tumour. We were also told that the cancer had began to spread. Her health was failing really quick. She barely had enough energy to lift up her arm to wave to us, yet alone talk or eat.
Then came the most terrible news. The doctors told us that her time with us was very limited. What started out as a trip to the ER for a bad cough, turned out to be the most horrible thing we could imagine. My grandma was to be transferred to palliative care. Her body was too weak to continue with the radiation or treatment. The only option was to keep her as comfortable as possible until the fight was over. On July 16th at 8:25, my amazing, strong, and selfless grandma took her last breath, surrounded by her family that she had worked so hard to raise.
The rest of the month was a blur. I spent most of the time preparing the eulogy, grieving, looking at old pictures and knowing how lucky I was to have her as my grandma. As you could imagine, blogging and writing was the last thing on my mind. Even though I love my blog and it is one of my proudest accomplishments, I barely had the effort to log in to publish a draft, but I didn’t want this place to be a field full of crickets.
It’s hard to believe that my grandma is not here with us anymore. She loved her family more than anything in the world. She would spend all day cooking for us, making enough food to feed a hungry army, plus more. She had such a sweet smile and laugh. Despite missing her terribly, I know that she is no longer suffering.
Pohpoh, thank you for all that you’ve done for me and the family. I’ve never met a family more tight knit and close as ours, and it was because you and grandpa raised everyone so well. Some days are harder than others, but there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you. The past year without grandpa was hard for you, so I am very glad you get to be reunited with your best friend again. I love you.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve really realized how important it is to have quality over quantity when it comes to friendships. This month was very difficult, but it made me realize that I am surrounded by amazing people. From checking in on me to giving words of support, you know who you guys know who you are and I really appreciate your care and concern for me.
For the rest of the summer, I am almost done my full time school. I seriously wonder how I was able to hand in all my term papers and assignments on time with all the stress I was going through. Once school ends and I push through this last grind of finals, I plan on just relaxing, relaxing, and more relaxing (aka blogging). Two more weeks to go!
